Blog: 2016 For Me!
Hey everyone
How is it going?
Wow! Now that this year is almost finished I've decided to count all the positive and negative things that happened to me during all these months in a top 8. I'll be talking about everything that changed within' me, major problems I've faced, things I've discovered about myself and 'bout other people and also about how I'm dealing with my anxiety problems thus I'm gonna have an overview of this year and start to work on my resolutions for New Years Eve now I invite you to ride along with me as I dig deep into my soul and feelings, shall we?
1. I've decided to move abroad. I FEEL READY!
It took me quite some time to make up my mind about this, since I came back from New York in 2014 I've been struggling with this feeling of not fitting in and I started to reject any kind of happiness here 'cause I didn't want to be here at all and even though I was having a really great time with my family something didn't feel quite right and that's when I decided to stand up for myself and start doing what I wanted to do without caring about other people's opinion, I've learned that life is way to short to be wasted with fear and insecurities after some months getting back on my feet I traveled to Argentina to visit a friend I met in NYC, when I got back to my country I decided that it was time to make big changes and I did it, in the first 3 months of this year I broke up with the guy I was dating 'cause I knew I wasn't in love and we were heading nowhere, now I can see that was a very smart decision, he's very sweet and adorable and I wish him the best of luck but he was distracting me from my main goal, I was wasting too much energy with a guy who I knew was not THE ONE AND ONLY. Next step was finding a better job, after 3 long months looking for something finally I went on a few interviews and I chose the place where I saw potential and I'm still working for this place which leads us to the next item on our list.
About two months ago I read this article saying that young people in their '20s were likely to be broken and are starting their adult life in the red and they listed some arguments to support this research and I was awestruck 'cause I totally fit in this category of young&broken people. I got in many debts 'cause I had this awful job that paid horribly and the conditions of work were also bad. In order to still have a social life and accomplish my goals for that year I had to borrow some cash from the bank and this is something I highly recommend you not to do 'cause once they lend you $100 they will charge you $400 back at least this is how it works in here. Right after I got the new job in April of 2016 I did the budget with how I'd pay everything and now I'm almost done, I still have some months ahead of me but nothing major. Finally I can breath again, only who's been there knows how terrible it is to own people/bank money. 3. I've taken more time to dedicate to my Meditation and I've found a whole other guy inside of me.
In 2015 I found out about this meditation called Mindfulness and I became very interested in this kind of practice, I wanted to learn more and more about it, with just a couple of months I felt like a completely different person, suddenly I didn't feel that anxious anymore in some social situations, my levels of depression&anxiety have decreased significantly and I'm so proud of that for those who have suffered from these problems you might know it isn't easy to cope with 'em on a daily basis. I also have became more interested in Buddhism, I'm learning a lot from books, talks, podcasts and maybe one day I'll take the vows to become a Buddhist. Comparing 2015 and 2016 I've meditated much more this year and I've also taught some friends&students about Mindfulness which brought me lots of joy.4. I'm MUCH stronger than I could think of.
Yeah this is one of the things that surprised me the most, for the past two years I've been struggling with a lot of insecurities that hunt most people who are entering the adult life and at some point we all learn how to deal with these inner demons and this year I learned how but not only I was able to find a way to be kinder, braver and much nicer to myself I also could see how much I've grown and I'm pretty proud of that. This year definitely showed me sides of my personality that I didn't know I had I feel like I'm an adult now with much deeper/real concerns and all that shit that bothered me when I was a teenager does not get to me at all. Aging is awesome! At least in my twenties. LOL
Anyone who knows me in person would say I'm lying 'cause if you talk to me I'm quite aware of the fact that I sound very confident 'bout my job and the work I've been doing but the truth is that this year I could see clearly what kind of teacher I've become and I must say I love this guy. When I first started teaching I had this image in my head of how a Teacher should be, sound and behave. I've had horrible Teachers during my school years and I promised myself I'd never be one of those. I care about what I do and I know how much I can influence in my students lives so I carefully choose the best words to say what I've got to say. Every semester I have the opportunity to work with a variety of types of people and I get to learn a lot about humanity, kindness and love with them, that's my role. I don't teach English only, I teach them the culture, how to be braver, how to succeed and accomplish their goals I could be happier with my job and the kind of Teacher that I am today.6. Breaking up with my boyfriend.
To begin this topic I'd like to say that this guy was my first Brazilian boyfriend with that said I'll try to give y'all an overview about this relationship. He was a very sweet and gentle guy and we did everything right, I'll forever remember him as a being a great kid with a huge potential to become something big, I still believe in him and I hope he's doing well 'cause it was my goal since the beginning to make him feel happy and have moments of joy together. As time went by I realized that he wasn't the one, I did not feel butterflies or anything of the sort and most importantly I didn't feel attracted to him as a man, you know? And I believe this is something important and you may wonder "Why did it take so long for you to see that?" and I don't have an answer for that, honestly. I just wanted to do things right and give him a chance to be that guy but at some point I saw it wasn't likely to happen so I decided to end this before it got any worse. In the end we had a nice conversation and he understood my reasons and we were able be friends and move on. 
After six months without seeing anybody or going on dates I felt the "human" need to hook up with somebody so I downloaded the dating apps and went hunting. I didn't tell anybody 'cause I just wanted something fast, safe and meaningless. After meeting a couple of guys I finally met THE one. We totally got along, the conversation was great and I felt he was the right choice but since the very beginning I've made my objective pretty clear, he said he was looking for the same and we went out, it felt right. After we hook up, I felt satisfied but something was wrong and I knew it. I believe that at some point in life we all meet the person we're gonna spend our lives with so it's very hard to me to deal with this kind of dating people. Anyway, I don't regret it but I've realized that this is not for me, even though I'm pretty sure I'm going to do it again.
This year I met a lot of people at work, at college and I had a really hard time trying to believe and trust people. It seems to me like as you grow up it gets harder and harder but at the same time you start to really see people for who they are and this process of judging whether is worthwhile or not gets easier. Like everything else in life trusting people is both a choice and a risk you just gotta feel if the person is worth it and this year I definitely met people who are worth the risk.
2016 was really busy and overwhelming in many ways. I've cried, laughed, seen wonderful things, met amazing people, focused in my spiritual life, worked harder than ever and most importantly I've faced my fear with my head held up high. I've seen not only what I'm capable of but also how far I'd go to get where I want. I've got in touch with my spiritual side and that brought me so much joy and energy to follow my dreams that I strongly think that nothing would be big enough to tear me apart. I mean it.
Thanks for reading!!!
Love,
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