Reinventing Myself

By Douglas Migliassi

  I remember being a teenager when I first had to deal with this feeling of loneliness, it was hard but it was also a defining moment in my life, one of those moments where you build resilience and character. I dove deep into the pool of self-discovery and I found out (or realized) many qualities and flaws. From that point on I knew something needed to be done. I promised myself I’d never let anyone else be responsible for my happiness but myself.  I got a new attitude and a new style and the following school-year, I guess it was 9th grade, I came back to school as a totally different person, on the inside and on the outside.

  Years passed and I realized that feeling of rejection was there; it has been there all this time even though I was trying the hardest to ignore it because I was a grown up after all and I couldn't afford to loose my sleep over stuff like that. I had a good job, I was making my own money, I had new friends apart from my friends from high school, I had lesser family issues and life seemed better for a while until I met a person who would make me go through the same issues I had to deal when I was younger and naive.

  She cared about me like no one else did and even though I don’t think comparing friendships is in anyway a healthy thing to do I did compare what I had with her with what I had with other people. As time went by we got closer and closer and I thought I had finally done something right because having a friend like her exceeded all my expectations. We had many conversations and I told her how my friendship with my other friends were dysfunctional. I had mostly women as friends and once they started dating I’d be the first one to get the chop and she said she’d never do that. Not for a boyfriend and that was the only promise she kept.

  I don’t know the real reason why she decided to take a break from us for the hundredth time thus I can only imagine what is happening and quite frankly it doesn’t matter because at the end of the day they’re all excuses. When we care about someone and we love them the way we say we do, we don’t want to be apart and if we do there’s always a reason for it otherwise you’re just being selfish which is not a problem too just own up to it and stop with the bullshit. I’m not the example of perfection when it comes to friendship by any means, yet I always make sure I’m on the same page as the other person, I avoid sugarcoating the truth 'cause it might hurt somebody even more.

  Distance only makes things worse. It wasn’t the first time it happened as I said before. Being left alone by my "friends" has become something usual for me furthermore I’m always expecting it to happen and I’m not bitter about it, you see, for some people being rejected for their friends is at times like a death sentence, however, for me it is more of an opportunity to reinvent myself. It’s certainly an invitation to go out there and make new friends, live new experiences and get a breath of fresh air. I don't want to sound cliche but you can totally create your reality and from experience I can tell you that it isn't easy but totally doable.

  Having friends is awesome but until you realize you can always make new ones you’ll make the same mistakes over and over. Friendship is a two-lane-road, therefore we should be getting as much as we’re giving. I’ve given to much shit about people who haven’t done the same in return and what's even worse, people who didn't even care to reach out to talk things over for old time's sake. Overall, it surprisingly has made me a strong, resilient and optimistic man. Loneliness does not scare me at all, not at this point in my life, it used to have some power over me but today no more. 

  I’m currently getting my act together and pretty soon I’ll be here writing about the new phase I know is coming but until then I’m ending this post feeling hopeful for the future, let the experience of a million let-downs guide my next years of friendship-making. I once heard that every time you get disappointed you're a step closer to the truth.

And again I am, indeed...