I Have To Make Peace With My Past, For Good.

 Lately I've been thinking how much I've accomplished this year (2020) and how much I've lost at the same time. It seems as if for you to win something you undoubtedly must lose something in return. I've always been the kind of person who always took blame for everything that happened in my life (and sometimes in other people's lives too) unfortunately, it became a habit of mine. A habit that I'm now trying to change 'cause to be honest it doesn't do me or anybody any good. Instead, it hurts.

For example...

 I've had countless best friends throughout my school/college/work life and if you ask me why did all these friendships ended I can now say with a hundred percent of certainty that most of them left because they wanted to leave not because of me but I've spent years blaming myself for all the people that have gone without telling me why they've left. I had difficulties to accept that sometimes people just disappear and it doesn't have anything to do with me, not entirely at least. I now realize that I can't go on in life thinking that everything is my fault. That's a huge ego.

  And it's not that I don't want to take responsibility for the things I do/say, the thing with me is that I used to also take responsibility for other people's actions/words and that I won't do anymore. Even thought it seems we're loosing things the truth is that we're not really loosing, we're just creating space so awesome stuff can happen. That's how I see things now 'cause I've gone tired of going after friends every time they decided to cut me off for no reason, I've exhausted myself thinking that I did/said something wrong when people forgot about me.

  I don't want to rescue people anymore... specially when they left because they wanted to. I have people in my life that are worth taking care of. People that when things are weird (which eventually they might get) let me know things are weird and why it is so. A new chapter begun a few months ago for me and I'm now more than ready to leave behind everything and everyone that has once left me for no reason. Who didn't even care to say goodbye. One thing is for certain though, it is hard but I'm not just living my life without those who abandoned me, I'm thriving! and I'm glad they're not here to see it. 

Today I choose to make peace with my past, with my choices, with my attitudes. I've never done anything to hurt anybody and if they weren't able to see that is because they didn't know me, AT ALL.