Why I Moved Back To My Parent's House

  I know it has been quite some time since the last post, actually it was the one about my grandfather's passing. I know it felt like I had forgotten about this place. And I also know y'all haven't noticed it and it's fine I wouldn't either. However, I'm here today to update y'all on how crazy this past months have been for me. The lessons I got from this experience of living with someone and how it has changed me. 

  Almost 7 months ago I decided to move in with my boyfriend. We were both in that mindset, you know. We were feeling misplaced and misunderstood at our homes. Family conflicts were getting the best of us and we didn't know how to handle them anymore and to be completely honest we thought there were no reasons to put up with all that bullshit anymore. We wanted to take care of our lives and move on with our relationship. We thought that's what we wanted. I had always flirted with the idea of being independent and I was everything but that for the next 7 months.

  During 7 months living together. Facing the reality of our decisions, shit got real. It turns out I didn't want to live that life. I mean, we had good moments and at times it felt right being there. We had some fun but an exciting and encouraging relationship it wasn't no more. Because it felt like we spent more time fighting over stuff I didn't know would be a problem than actually living that experience fully, being independent and taking advantage of that. Things I never thought would become problems. became. Huge I must say. I won't point out all the error we both made to preserve my partner's privacy but it wouldn't feel right not to mention why it ended the way it did. There's a lesson here, for me, for him and must likely for you too, if you are dreaming about doing what we did in similar circumstances. 

  Before moving out of my parent's home I always said I wanted to live by myself before moving in with someone but because I wanted to be a team player and show my commitment to our relationship I put this dream of mine in the closet and forgot about it until it came back to hunt me, day in and day out. You simply can't run away from what you want with all your heart. Problems I never thought we would have started to boil up and blow out. I'm very clear and vocal about my opinions I never do something without expressing how I'm feeling or what I expect from something or someone. I did that with my boyfriend before we moved in together but it didn't matter. Once we were both there, he had to rediscover what it was like to be with me. I had to set boundaries I had set before. Many times. I had to teach him how it was like to live with me. How serious and private I am about my life. My personal and professional problems. And for the most part he got that but it was never enough he was always on edge with me. Trying to be himself but his behave didn't match with mine in many ways. 

  I kept seeing myself repeating the same stuff day in and day out. I got tired. Exhausted to be fair. I had my share of mistakes and I'll try to be as unbiased as I can about them. Sometimes if I found myself in a situation where I got frustrated or disappointed I'd shut down and become cold. Distant. Because I do this thing since I can remember, I tend to shut down to process my feelings and after some hours or days I'm ready to talk about them and be sure I'll bring the issue right to your face. When you live with someone you can't do that. Unless your partner understands you're not ready to talk about it immediately and doesn't use your feelings against you, mine didn't understand that. He'd insist on what's wrong, kept pushing me to speak, consistently. Or he'd behave the same way as if he was the one hurt and not me. This behavior wasn't healthy nor beneficial to us as a couple. It made us both disconnect from each other. And somewhat blame each other for things getting bad.

   I also think I'm too straightforward and blunt with my opinions. If I feel I'm not okay with going somewhere or doing something, I'd tell it like it is. I hate feeling like I'm being forced to have a great relationship with someone, being around someone unwillingly, going somewhere I don't wanna go because if I end up doing it I won't be my authentic self. It won't feel natural. And I'll be counting the minutes to leave. But, I'm all about making commitments as I said before. If I promise you something BE SURE that I'll keep my promise. If I say I'll behave my best, be kind and polite, you can be sure I'll do just that. But that has to be MY decision. To go or to develop a relationship with someone. Living with someone who had a different mind on that issue means we argued about this a couple times. And every now and then I have to touch-base on this issue again.

  I got to the conclusion that, I wasn't seeing myself when I looked at the mirror anymore and NOTHING scared me more than that. Before loving someone I love me and I was happy with my life the way I was leading it before, as weird as it might seem, I was much more independent living with my parents then I was living with my boyfriend. Here, I have the right to do as I please, unquestionably. I pay my share of the house bills, everyone accepts and likes my boyfriend so I'm free to spend time with him here whenever I want. I also understood that I don't want things I thought I wanted before, like living with someone, having kids and a shared life with someone. I don't want these things anymore not the traditional way at least. I love my boyfriend, don't get me wrong but we are much better together when we're both living in our separate houses. It took out a very heavy weight on our relationship to be living apart. I feel happier than I was before. I''m glad I did it. I was brave enough to try. But now I have new goals and I'm pretty encouraged to go after them. I wasn't living my life the way I wanted and deserved, I wasn't calling the shots or being myself. I was always anxious, worried, stressed and it made me sick quite often. Now I'm in a much better place. I feel like myself again. Finally.

Hugs,

Douglas